Disability, The New Axis of Evil

The House of Commons debated an Opposition Day motion today calling for disability benefit cuts to be subjected to a cumulative impact assessment - the radical idea that if you subject someone to not one cut, but two, three or even six or more (DLA, ESA, ILF, Bedroom Tax, Benefits Cap, council care budget cuts, and the list goes on, and on, and on) you should actually add up everything they're losing.

The standout contribution has to have been from (disabled) Tory MP Paul Maynard (Blackpool North and Cleveleys).

"dragged to this Chamber by Pat's petition, We are Spartacus and other extremist disability groups that do not speak for the overall majority."

Pat's Petition, extremists? Spartacus, extremists? Damn, better hope the accessibility atGuantanamo Bay's up to scratch for when they line all us uppity crips up for Extraordinary Rendition.

"The cumulative impact assessment is a very narrow tool by which to judge the contribution of the disabled community in this country, their potential and what they can achieve. I think that it borders on the offensive"

Actually I think we wanted to judge the Tory's contribution to the disabled community, or more accurately what they're taking away from our potential and what we can achieve - sort of an anti-contribution, but I can understand Paul Maynard misunderstanding it in his horror that we uppity crips have been refusing to properly tug our forelocks and say 'Thank You, Master' to that nice Mister Duncan Smith. He is right on one thing, there is definitely something offensive to disabled people at work here.

"We as a Government are seeking to edge towards greater recognition of the social model of disability, and that means not paying attention to the labels that too many want to hang around the necks of disabled people."

That would be labels like 'poverty stricken' or 'desperate' then? As opposed to the ones favoured by IDS and his coterie at DWP, labels like 'fraud' and 'shirker'.

"we help them to do that in my constituency surgeries. I hope that Labour Members do so, too, rather than store up a treasure trove of Atos scare stories"

So my Atos WCA didn't really include the doctor fighting desperately to avoid having to record the piece of evidence that qualified me in its own right? Glad to have that cleared up, clearly as a poor, silly, extremist crip I must have misinterpreted what was happening to me.

"Page 34 states clearly: 'Young people's aspirations can decline in response to their growing understanding of the world'. Listening to Opposition Members, I am sure that young people's aspirations will decline because of the negative messages they are getting."

It seems Mr Maynard would prefer disabled people to behave as proper mindless sheep with no knowledge of, or concern for, the way the world regards us, sort of a messier, wobblier, dribblier version of H G Well's Eloi from The Time Machine. God forbid that some dangerously radical extremists (like the Office of Disability Issues) should want to tell them they might face having only 53% the likelihood of non-disabled people of finding a full-time job, a 58% higher chance of unfair treatment if they do find a job, or anything up to a 39% higher chance of being a victim of crime.

"We are told that an increase in the reporting of hate crime is evidence of the Government's war on the disabled. I find that disgusting. It is personally abhorrent that people should campaign in a partisan way on the backs of those in the most vulnerable section of our society"

Clearly I must have misheard the three complete strangers who screamed at me in the street. I could have sworn they yelled: "This is the DWP, we know you're faking, we know where you live". Silly me for thinking that someone must have taught them to see disabled people as 'skivers' and 'scroungers'.

What motion did the House finally vote in favour of? This:

This House welcomes the Government's leadership in furthering the rights of disabled people; recognises the UK as a world leader in disability rights; notes that approximately £50 billion a year is spent on services for disabled people, including adult social services and including an investment of £3.8 billion in health and social care services in England to deliver more joined-up services to disabled people; further notes the £350 million allocated by the Government for programmes and support for disabled people to move into and stay in work; and acknowledges the Government's collective determination to build upon the London 2012 Paralympic Games, and create a legacy which shines a light on the abilities and achievements of disabled people.

You really couldn't make it up.